When My Friend on Hold Me for Two Weeks and Then Were Freinds Again
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A breakup can be heartbreaking and the inclination to stay friends is understandable. When someone was of import to you romantically, it's natural to want to concord on to that connection. However, this can be difficult territory. Go slowly and give each other space at first. Manage your emotions by reminding yourself the relationship is over. As you move forrard, call back to keep your emotions in check to sustain the relationship long term.
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Hold to requite each other space at kickoff. For the first weeks or months after a breakup, infinite is fundamental. If y'all try to jump directly into friendship, this is likely to backfire every bit y'all'll both be also emotional. Agree to a set menses of time to stop or minimize contact so feelings of allure, romance, and resentment can fade.
- How much time you requite is subjective. Some people may be ready for friendship in a few weeks, while others may demand a few months.
- How much time you spent in the relationship will take an effect; longer relationships typically require longer periods of express contact.
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Look until at that place's no unfinished business to pursue a friendship. The reason it can be difficult to stay friends with an ex is that people feel the relationship is not finished. If you find yourself feeling yous have more to say, or still need closure, information technology's not the correct fourth dimension to be friends. Expect until you lot feel at peace with the breakup to pursue a friendship.
- If you need to talk about a few more things earlier yous tin be friends, accept a word with your ex virtually whatever loose ends a few weeks afterward yous break up.
- Be sure to tie upwards practical loose ends. If you shared belongings or lived together, expect until your lives are completely separate before pursuing a friendship.
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Recognize your feelings. Boundaries are important to whatsoever relationship, especially complicated ones. Recognizing your own feelings and limitations is key to establishing firm boundaries with an ex. Spend some time thinking over how your ex makes you feel and what kind of contact yous're comfortable with.[one]
- Ask yourself what kind of contact makes you feel bad. Perhaps you don't like discussing your ex'south new relationships. Perchance you lot don't like that your ex however calls y'all by your pet name.
- It'due south e'er okay to request someone stop or tone downward behaviors that bother you.
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Talk openly about boundaries. Find a expert time and place to have a calm, sit downwardly talk about your boundaries in regards to a friendship. Let your ex know directly what kind of contact is nevertheless appropriate and let them share their feelings too.[two]
- State your boundaries outright then in that location's no ambiguity. For example: "I'll eventually be fine with hearing about your romantic life, just I actually need space from that right now. Let's not talk about dating together."
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Intendance for yourself. Setting boundaries later a breakdown can hurt, even if it'due south for the best. Recognizing contact volition exist more minimal and that certain topics are off limits tin sting. Afterward setting boundaries, exercise something prissy for yourself. Go for a walk, sentry a movie, or brand plans with friends.[3]
- Doing something nice for yourself may take your mind off of the break up and help you altitude yourself from the discipline. In turn, this may help you recover sooner.
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Let go of the hopes you have for a relationship. Remind yourself the relationship is over. Ane of the major downsides of staying friends with an ex is that it can sometimes keep the hope of a relationship live. Remember, you are exes for a reason and you need to let go of any dreams you had for the relationship.
- If you find yourself fantasizing about your future together, stop. Think to yourself, "We're not together anymore, and that isn't going to happen."
- Replace your hopes for a romantic relationship with hopes for a friendship. Call back about how you tin can support each other every bit friends instead of as romantic partners.
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Comprehend your differences. Fundamentally unlike world views or unlike lifestyles tin can cause a breakup. Now that you lot're only friends, you lot can appreciate these differences more than. Now you're free to cover the positives of having a friend who'south dissimilar from you instead of worrying about your romantic compatibility.[iv]
- For example, a friend who likes to slumber with the fan on probably won't affect a friendship, but it could affect a romantic relationship, specially if you live together.
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Call it off if you lot're feeling bad. Information technology'southward okay to take a footstep back sometimes. Stay aware of your feelings as you pursue a friendship. If things experience strained and you feel sad or drained when hanging out, it's okay to slow things down.[5]
- Be open about this. Say something similar, "Hey, I'm still feeling a fiddling distressing when nosotros hang out. Let's stick to long distance advice for some other week or two."
- Respect your ex'south feelings. If they're struggling with the idea of staying friends, respect any requests they make for space.
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Manage feelings of lingering attraction. It'southward normal to still feel attracted to someone after a breakup, but don't try to feed into these feelings. Information technology'southward hard to stay just friends if you're even so having sex activity or beingness physically intimate. Some exes are able to maintain a physical relationship, or exist friends with benefits, after a period of fourth dimension. All the same, it's ofttimes a bad idea to pursue lingering attraction in the straight backwash of a human relationship.[6]
- If you determine to get physical over again in the futurity, have a very clear talk almost what this means for your relationship.
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Stay respectful of i some other. Boundaries are key to any friendship and are oft more important with delicate relationships. You lot and your ex demand to stay respectful of each other's boundaries over time. Make sure you're not breaking any rules in regards to contact, and let your ex know what you need from them.[vii]
- Boundaries change over fourth dimension, so permit your ex know right away if you lot're more or less comfy with something.
- For example, say something like, "I know I didn't want to talk over your dating life at outset, merely I feel more comfy with that at present. I'd be fine if you wanted to talk about it."
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Get family unit members and friends on board. It's easier to be friends with an ex if your own friends and family are on board, especially common friends. Allow people know that the ii of you lot are withal friends and information technology's okay to invite you to the aforementioned events. Make certain people know there is no demand to experience weird or uncomfortable when you lot and your ex are in the same room.[8]
- Be open about boundaries with friends and family members. For case, say something similar, "I'm okay being friends with my ex, but I'm not gear up to meet their new partner. I'd appreciate not beingness invited to events their partner is attending."
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Make certain new partners are comfy with the friendship. A new romantic relationship can complicate your human relationship with your ex. Let your partner know that you and your ex used to engagement. Brand certain your partner understands the relationship is over and the two of you are just friends now.[nine]
- Your partner may sometimes need actress reassurance or comfort afterward you lot hang out with your ex, so make sure to give them that as needed.
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End the friendship if yous're unable to manage your emotions. If you notice the human relationship is non working, information technology's okay to walk away. You may discover yous and your ex argue when you get together. You lot may exist the one putting in all the effort while your ex is ignoring you. If the relationship is simply draining, it'south okay to let it go. Not everyone can stay friends with their ex.
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Question
Tin can you lot e'er be friends with an ex?
Jessica Engle is a relationship coach and psychotherapist based in the San Francisco Bay Surface area. She founded Bay Expanse Dating Coach in 2009, after receiving her Master's in Counseling Psychology. Jessica is also a licensed Union & Family Therapist and Registered Drama Therapist with over 10 years of experience.
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Expert Answer
Yes, merely make certain you're both set up. Before you lot can be friends with your ex, you need to both move on enough for it to genuinely be a friendship. Recollect about whether y'all actually desire to be friends, or if there's something more to wanting to stay close to them. Information technology's as well important to set boundaries, especially if one of you is in a new relationship.
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If things ended mutually or positively, then the chances of staying friends is higher. It may not be worth it to pursue a friendship if the relationship concluded desperately.
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Article Summary X
The end of a relationship tin trigger strong emotions, and so information technology'south important for you to keep them in cheque and set articulate boundaries if you lot want to stay friends with someone yous've dated. Give each other some infinite for a few weeks or months afterwards the pause-upwards, which will help you both come to terms with your feelings. Replace whatever thoughts y'all used to take nigh a romantic future with them with thoughts about how you tin can support each other as friends. For instance, you may find it far easier to accept that they take a different lifestyle to y'all when you lot're only friends than you would in a human relationship. You also demand to clearly communicate what your boundaries are to avert whatever clumsiness. These could include not talking about your current dates or only hanging out in public. Think to respect your ex'due south boundaries besides, since a friendship will just work if you lot treat each other well. For tips from our Relationship co-writer on how to make sure your new partner accepts your friendship with your ex, keep reading!
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Source: https://www.wikihow.com/Go-from-Dating-to-Being-Friends-Again
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